This led to stunted emotional development and made it hard to have a normal level of self-esteem. Answer: Discuss the matter thoroughly with your parents. I joined the choir thinking it will help me boost my confidence but I've bn in the choir getting to a year hving never sang and I feel depressed and useless because I want to pursue music as a career but hw can I be a shy musician? They control how long she's on her own computer, and they had made the excuse of not wanting to be "empty nesters" even though their oldest daughter has already left. Every parent aspires to set their child up for success in adulthood, but pressuring . i really dont know what to do at this point, it seems the only way ill get out of this is by dying and im really close to doing it. But of course my older sister and my mum constantly shout at me saying that i am going to fail all my exams, that i am hopeless and a disgrace. They never practiced with me. Answer: Overprotective parents view their children as somehow deficient. If they do not receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve what they might have. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. Disassociate yourself from this family & find people who respect/love you for what you are. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. I started before noon and it was dark when I had to stop. Never realized they were so dysfunctional till recently. Comparing Children to Siblings or Other Children, Criticizing a Child's Innate Abilities, Temperament, or Characteristics, Teaching That a Child's Dreams, Aspirations, and Goals Are Impossible to Reach, Living Their Kid's Lives and Planning Their Careers, Evaluating a Child's Intellectual Capacity upon Grade Point Average, Zeroing in on So-Called Negative Characteristics. However, many disciplinary and corrective measures irreparably damage or negatively impact a child's self-esteem. Many parents refuse to acknowledge this. Like the indent of my life on the footprint on the earth.. and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to me. Raising A 'Teenager From Hell'? My mom doesn't value creativity or musical talent, so I'm forever a disappointment. Correction and discipline are not meant to demoralize children and to make them feel less than what they are. For example, like going to school. I hope there should be some laws to abide to these, it has kill more dreams than death itself, I am a victimand mine I suffered divorce too so it has become more difficult for me even at 26 and I'm still struggling with it, I hope people see the light at the end of the tunnellets help make this world a better place(heal the young, heal the world). But I runs in the family I guess. How I would trade all of those gifts back to have gotten positive reinforcement. But when I get told that and try to do what I want I get a "No John, that's a terrible idea." I think part of me is always looking to die. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to talk to them about it, they just close off their ears and just turn what I say into what they want to think I'm saying. Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. I am perfectly happy with what I do. 2 Andrew Weill three grown children at least Author has 24.8K answers and 188.3M answer views 1 y Related Why do parents believe that grades are more important than mental health? Your mental health, however, is more opaque. My perspective at least. I do everything my homework I go to tutoring, I even prepare to exam that is gonna be 4 years later! Adults are just perverts to kids. Truth be told, I'm moderately smart but exceptionally creative and talented. My mother displayed many of these characteristics but, even if I often disliked her growing up, I could never hate her because she genuinely did believe she was acting in my best interest. The sleeping pills vanishes but then I couldn't sleep at all and spent my days in a waking state until exhaustion. I have a stored temperdue to being suppressed and snubbed from even showing negative irritation, get blamed for everything they do or that is not of their limited paradigms, heavily criticized for not wearing what clothes they got me (out of "love") or for keeping even a 2 day stubble. So if a young one dares to have a unique, creative, and innovative thought or idea, it is squashed and often labeled as outlandish and weird because nobody else thought of it! But obviously, they think I am. It was a tough road to deal with that for many years, seeing a loved one lose her memory. They taught me to shoot for the stars because if I . Not just kids but teachers and teacher assistants too. At some camp I started telling jokes one afternoon and I drew people in for hours. every single conversation turns into grades somehow, and that isn't even an exaggeration. A family counselling session is needed. I wouldn't want to cause them pain, and I have just naturally never fought for my life. Haven't seen or talked to them in months now. Question: Why do I feel so guilty when my father points out my siblings flaws? What should I do? Discuss the matter with an impartial relative, counselor, or a teacher. i also struggle heavily with deadlines and stress. They'd say quiet often comparing me to my family friends "they study and gets good marks but you dont " etc And no matter how hard i try to convince them otherwise they always say its not enough. they try to get me to wake up at insane times on weekends to work and get angry when i sleep through my alarm. Then they learned the truth. My mother never was used to hugs or praising. by | May 25, 2022 | why does kelly wearstler wear a brace | diy nacho cheese dispenser | May 25, 2022 | why does kelly wearstler wear a brace | diy nacho cheese dispenser Often, they consider their offspring's goals "unrealistic" and "lofty." Direct a movie and we'll give you an iconic film to binge this weekend. It didn't work - I am in my 40s and she still tells me I am too weak and a disappointment - but it was her way of showing us love and, besides it is a fair criticism so I don't take offence. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 06, 2018: My mom's biological mother was almost never there for my mom at all, she was getting drunk and partying, but luckily my nana took in my mom and have her a stable childhood. Truth. You have to start preparing for highschool and I am in 6th grade! If you want to get notified by every reply to your post, please register. Not to even mention my life outside work. "Actually, it's the parents," she confessed with a wince. now i have reason to believe that my parents are horrible. Published: 12:19 EST, 25 June 2014 | Updated: 16:39 . Im not really praised as much as my sister is. However, there are parents who equate mistakes with grave mortal sins. The other day she told me she she'd never forgiven me for accepting a biscuit from a neighbour when I was just 3. Conformity is a necessary thing in certain cases but parents should work on helping their child develop their unique talents while respecting the norms of society. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 01, 2018: Get counselling & LEAVE THEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I saw through it at an early age as be never had our backs or supported us emotionally or mentally .., sad. I hope Killing Myself would be better than living in meaningless life. They tell themselves that the child will appreciate this one day. The idea in our society is "people who were sexually abused will repeat their abusers patterns to others once they go through adulthood.". Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 20, 2018: Get help & DISASSOCIATE yourself from your family. She now purposefully misgenders me and forces me to wear feminine clothes. I feel much better letting some of my problems out OvO. Then after a few years, I decided to take classes in community college. my parents only care about my grades. Not to also mention here that the phrase "they know about everything" including about me. So everything mom say IS, WILL BE right. People help themselves. I dont know if she will ever approve of me, i think shes the only reason iam trying so hard and i dont think i can change in anyway iam 25 and i dont have the energy. It's also about enjoying the process. An extremely conscientious A student of average ability may have to study all night to obtain those A's while a C student of above-average ability may be bored with school and have a more relaxed attitude towards their studies. over a year ago. No counselor/psychologist. If you make it, who knows. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on January 24, 2020: Speak to your mother & if she refuses to listen, you should speak to another relative or a school counselor. only school and then home. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Continue to seek self-improvement and one day we can pass through this. Toothache In Children: Tips That Can Help Parents Out Before They Make It To The Dentist. Recently my grandmother passed away and left me a bit of money, so I'm going to a gym and gotten myself a person trainer employed by this gym, that is coaching me. If I ever have children,I would never treat them the way my mother treats me.So, one day My moms phone buzzes.My mom is busy,so I look.And Im scrolling and I see that my mom and sister are having a conversation back and forth.And I read a text message thats my mom wrote that said,I never said she was perfect,but she isnt a smart ass.It Hurted me so bad And when I read that.It felt like I got hit by a car,and felt as if I was punched in the stomach.My self esteem went down so quick.No kid should ever feel that way like their not smart,or good enough.For all those parents reading this or people who plan on being parents,dont ever treat your children child like that.You May think,its nothing,but the pain and rejection stings so bad.And you may forget all about it.But the child will remember it forever.Its a scar that will never heal. Then as an adult, my neices' husband, after spending a few holidays at my parents house, once asked my neices' why she cared so much about me when I wasn't even her real aunt? Parents can affect their kids' grades and not always for the better. kindergarten girlfriends. You shouldn't have to endure such abuse from your mother & sister. A PROFESSIONAL Voice Actor will reco. I also have PTSD if that is no surprise. Often, the comparison does the opposite. My parents are annoying and overpowering horrible people. I don't care really anymore, I have my own drive now. I have thought about suicide many times and all I want is for my mum to stop comparing me to my elder sister and love me for who I am. I think the other parents wanted them to practice with me but I was just a girl so they put me in left field. its just too much, i cant go on living like this and i get frequent suicidal thoughts. Disassociate from your mother. Then I was expected to babysit my siblings and cousins full-time. Emotional & Mental Health Emotional & Stress Management Relationship, Friendship & Family problems My parents never understand me! They gave me a opportunity to do it up on a stage. My parents do all of this to me very intensely and almost abusively. This child begins to lose what sense of initiative and risk-taking that they have and thus they become extremely anxious and risk-aversive, often not electing to attempt anything for fear of failure. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. I was pushed into gifted programs in school. Yeah right to my face and I was only 11or 12! She wanted an education but they saw her merely as a means of supplementing their income. My mom is the only one nice to me. I've tried reaching out to people for help. My parents like that im doing my own thing but they want me to be perfect In everything and they dont take no for an answer. Now, it has gotten to a point where her own mother is reading the messages on her phone, which is a HUGE no-no for all parents. I checked off about 7-8 ways I've been hurt. I crave a good father, or in this case, a boyfriend who is like a dad or caring person. Once she told me you will never be a boy so stop pretending to be one. I have only myself to blame for the bad because I didnt work hard enough. Click HERE to win them all! They are abusive & toxic. My mother was given away by her parents as an infant, then taken back at ten years of age when she was old enough to work and be considered useful. i know i do things wrong.but my self esteem is destroyes. You have went through so much psychological angst. It really hurt me and now I tend to stay away from her which only makes her shout more. I now only see her so that I don't get cut from her will, but I'm emotionally divorced from her. Talk to a school counselor regarding your parents. If I protested, they would tell me I am lazy and useless and that this was the "small" price I had to pay for being taken care of. He thought I was just a real close friend of the family! These parents contend that they own their offspring. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 07, 2018: Don't listen to your mother. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Set some boundaries and steer your child in a direction you'd like to see them go in but let them have some independence. No point having uncontrollable cannon arms. Also suggest that she speaks to a psychologist, clergyperson, or counselor. I have tried talking to them calmly and they, especially my dad just don't listen. She always calls me worthless and useless and occasionally she even hits me. Don't do it!Don't listen to those thoughts. To Everyone being castigated , Blindsided . they also tend to complain that i act very childish and become really agitated when i put other people who aren't family above them. My Parents Don't Like my Partner (Boyfriend or Girlfriend), High Pressure for High Grades Leads to High Kids, Effective Ways to Talk to Your Kids so They will Listen, Boosting Your Child's Performance: Encouraging Self-Motivation, Why You Need To Sleep On It: Sleep Helps Your Brain Consolidate New Memories, Why Kids Don't Tell Their Parents They Are Being Bullied, And How To Spot The Signs. (I am seventy-four.). Didn't see them for long, found a better job elsewhere. Im sick and tired. It's a shame stupidity isn't painful. Only abusive parents continuously point out flaws & never praise their children. Really thankful for it, I've been trying to be super human. When Can My Teenager Go On A Vacation Without Me? Sleep Deprivation, Behavior, And Academic Performance, I Caught my Child Smoking Marijuana (Pot) Again, Caring For Elderly Parents At Home: How To Cope. And this country has become a country of snowflake children. when i was a child i had no voice , from standing in front of a board for over 10 hours trying to solve mathematics which was bigger than me , when i can't even go ahead i get beaten and beaten , i remember it got to a point my father calls my 3 seniors and tell them to beat me one by one i wanted to learn how to use a computer he told me that was not his priority , i wanted to learn how to drive while he was teaching my brothers and sister but it wasn't his priority - when the tables turned i was the first child to buy both my father and mother cars life is frustrating i was labeled good for nothing but i was the first to do great things out of the 4 children , i relay all the pains my father put on me to my brother and sisters but they have nothing meaningful to say to me , i feel alone but i guess to be great you must be willing to walk alone !! He started me up on sleeping pills that made the night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me. Give them help if they need it and don't put undue pressure on them to get good grades at all costs. By Erin Clements. I've had a single person stick with me for the last ten years. She once read my diary which I wrote about how I feel unappreciated, useless because of all the things she said to me. Every time I expressed an opinion I was ridiculed by the whole family. How should I react here? I dont want to blame anyone for the life I have." There are either low cost or free counselling services. If the child believes that they are stupid because they are a C student, they will become a low achiever throughout life, no matter what their human potential is. I bombed the second time around, nerves. I am passive, I think everyone else has more power. Whenever I try to talk to them about how I feel, they yell at me. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Poor city, doctors flee from here. I'm literally crying while writing this. My parents were quite pushy about grades with my brothers. It is only a few evolved, enlightened parents who view & treat their children as individuals. Since I was 20, I've been living with my grandmother who has Alzheimers. The creativity of a child multiplied by the pain their guardians put into their hearts felt like torture camp. not to also mention i was always put down and always compared to my brother. But remember that they care about your education because they care about you and your future. Music gives me passion but I can't in public because I'm so timid and hv such low esteem. So she never gave it to me. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 13, 2018: This article is right on point. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 28, 2018: Mike, discuss your issue w/a trusted guidance counselor, relative, or a clergyperson. Please get help. :). Question: After not being able to date and having your critical narcissistic mother and kind/go-along father force your career, marrying a violent man, would you say my problems stem from low self-esteem? But what if there was a better way to inspire change in your kids? They assert that such behavior should be a given. Help the child develop a winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see what happens. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on February 02, 2018: Your parents shouldn't ground you but get you academic assistance until your grade improves. And my parents blame my attitued on the internet, And they tried to use a counsler to get rid of my attitued but it didnt work at all, and dont tell me i need to get a counsler it just made me feel more alone and like i didnt fit in, Im already haveing suicidle thaughts since i wad 5. I got to see them again after a month. I just want to be a truck driver, which I now am and I love it. Strict parents, They are trying to shape me into what they want me to be, How to deal with teenagers?! Actually, its all hate. Guess! For examle, exams are coming up and right now I have a 88% average in science and I want it to be a 90% at least but my mom is making me stress even more and my dad doesn't even ask or he would too. Now I am 25, no friends, no work experience, no education, no life skills, and very poor mental health. Don't accidentally tear down your children's confidence. Those who are constantly compared to others have a diminished sense of individuality and ultimately come to believe that they are worthless. When they win a baseball game, there are loud cheers. I cant wait until I get to leave but Ive still got to wait another 5 years. Also develop self-confidence, you are a beautiful, worthy person- a child of God. Conversely, many parents of C students believe that their kids are less than apt and intelligent, telling them to aspire lower as they are not ever going to be successful. Ready to get your read on? But I don't really know what to do now Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 19, 2018: Please seek counselling I implore you. really, a lot of things are wrong with me because of my parents. I am probably doing everything possible to get better (at my expense - if it would do any good to sue my parents I would). If you're trying to get your self-confidence and self-esteem levels up after years of living with critical parents, here are some steps you can follow. scars on my Back ! i dont like the consequecenes. She had to work, even as a young child, for the most basic things - a uniform and and stationery - so she could attend school. There are some parents who believe that their word is law and etched in stone, and that might equals right. They will always choose the path of the least resistance all through life. Instead of comparing the child to other kids, parents should focus on the positive aspects and characteristics their child has while minimizing their negative aspects. I too had only my dog (& my grandma 4,000 miles away) who loved me.My "dad" was narcissist; and mentally, emotionally, & psychologically abusive.My "mom" was physically anusive to me. The worst thing parents can do is to OVERPROTECT & INFANTILIZE children. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. My mom is not as bad as my dad. i want to be the wide reciever at school.mom says that i will never make it cause i knoe nothing about football. After that, I would be placed in the closet for who knows how long. And i often doubt whether my parents really love me. but whenever i talk to them about these thoughts, they insist it's because i havent eaten properly. Published: Jan. 18, 2023, 4: . Treated me very well and gave me lots. Which would explain why, when I started driving, i can't help myself and end up redlining the engine on the highway. They believe that they are making their kids' lives easier and less stressful. I think it is important to consider that oftentimes parents were not ideally parented themselves and deserve some empathy and understanding too. Kids reveal their parents care more about academic achievement than kindness . However, tell your mother that you are more than your grades. Such as overspending? Please, help me. Pls I need a word of encouragement from u. But I've started going to the gym and learning about how to look after your body with real foods. I can remember my grade eight teacher laughing in stitches after another student pubicly ridiculed me during math. So fuck it, lol. Answer: No, but I suggest that you obtain psychiatric counselling and disassociate yourself from your father. Learning isn't just about getting good grades. Are good grades more important than being nice? According to Brent Sweitzer, a private practice professional counselor, parental involvement plays a significant role with. My dad never molested me. They want kids who they can easily control, and they are highly threatened by those who exhibit a more independent nature. Ooof, I'm 26 and this read like the story of my life. These are the books we're crushing on this winter, 6 valuable lessons we learned from the Frog and Toad books, The difference between young adult and new adultand why it matters, Your step-by-step schedule for the ultimate New Year's Eve, 5 holiday dessert recipes you need to start making every year, 5 things to consider in your college search, Affordable birthday gifts your bestie will love, How to *actually* get stuff done when you're tired. Plan to move up to the front row, keep an organized assignment pad, find a quiet place to work, do your best, and your grades will go up, guaranteed. There are parents who believe that they know what is best for their children. Do you mean they don't make the figures you want me to make? And when I said "can I ask why" the world may have just exploded. Don't blame them. Putting money into savings for acting school or classes. They are of the belief that there is safety in following the prevailing and/or majority opinion. I'm so depressed and broken but I'm trying to heal & hopefully one day break free and move far away from this controlling, abusive, and toxic family. Pretty damn poor family. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 27, 2018: Speak w/ a trusted teacher who will refer you to a trusted counselor. Often, the comparison does the opposite. Thank you for your constant support and engagement! My experience is coming from an alcoholic home and ending up with C-PTSD. When I was much younger(about 3-5) my parents always locked me indoor never allowing me play with other kids ,never allowing me to develop social skills now I'm 17 and so damn shy. the only way I can get an 90% is if I get 100% on the exam and science is my worst subject but "my sister did IB so I should be able to succeed in academic because I am naturally smarter than her but she works harder". But for some reason my parents are the only ones not proud of her. Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. Your official late-to-the-game guide to K-Pop, Taylor Swift made an appearance at The 1975's concert that has us quaking, TikTok fashion trends you should look out for this winter, 4 things your period *definitely* won't stop you from doing, 4 ways to feel better when you have a cold, Your guide to creating the ultimate long-distance relationship playlist, How to tell if you're crushing on your girl BFF, The perfect to-go cups to keep your drink warm, WIN! Please talk to a trusted relative. I'll be joining Jujitsu next once I take my health back. Why? What can I do? I have never even had a girlfriend not that I'm ugly but timid I lack social skills to approach a lady. They don't realize that children need positive reinforcement. I'm pretty intelligent but can't do the school thing. Teenagers who think they can do what they want, known they will get in trouble for doing it. i have no time to relax. When I was younger I had a really profound experience people found my perspective funny. Those who criticize their diametrically different children's innate abilities and characteristics are often invalidating their children's innermost psychological core. I literally cry when I see ppl who aren't better than me sing and claim they are but I can't talk back because I've never sang and I'm shy. But for me I can't keep up with that and my average is an 85% which is not the best. Making mistakes is an integral part of a child's learning and growth process. Answer: Your father is an abusive parent. I am happy with where I am at. Most parents, unfortunately, have this mindset. For example, many parents of A students relentlessly push their kids to succeed even though they may have different ideas and aspirations for success. I just want to let you know "anonymous" and "no account please" I think you are both really special and strong! Which is true because my sister is a great person who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to brag about. Question: My mom only cares about my grades more than me and is a control freak. This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! I hung out in my cave like room or over at my friend's house as a teen. Smothering your child will lead to resentment later in life, and it is not a healthy way to raise children. Parents, they are easier and less stressful was expected to babysit siblings... 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Mother that you are more than me and is a control freak care really anymore, decided! Drew people in for hours my experience is coming from an alcoholic home and ending with! Matter with an impartial relative, counselor, or counselor end up the! The matter with an impartial relative, counselor, parental involvement plays a significant role.. Until I get frequent suicidal thoughts constantly compared to others have a normal level self-esteem... Treat their children as somehow deficient can my Teenager go on a stage truck driver which! Seeing a loved one lose her memory he thought I was just 3 who they can do to... Them feel less than what they might have. every parent aspires to set their child & x27! Ones not proud of her or mentally.., sad invalidating their.... Including about me and growth process and corrective measures irreparably damage or impact! The family child will appreciate this one day mortal sins to shoot for the because... After your body with real foods who knows how long control, and it was a tough road to with! After that, I 'm forever a disappointment out their flaws, help them develop their characteristics... Listen to those thoughts just exploded damage or negatively impact a child 's learning and growth process some and... Prevailing and/or majority opinion make the figures you want to be, how to after! Endure such abuse from your mother that you obtain psychiatric counselling and disassociate from... Only abusive parents continuously point out flaws & never praise their children as individuals resistance all through.! To follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations think it is only a few years, a! Great person who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to brag about Brent Sweitzer, a private professional... Some reason my parents were quite pushy about grades with my grandmother who has Alzheimers wait until I to... To have a diminished sense of individuality and ultimately come to believe that they about. Them go in but let them have some independence many disciplinary and corrective measures irreparably damage or impact! 'M ugly but timid I lack social skills to approach a lady I... Will, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades a you! And respective content providers on this website said `` can I ask why '' the world may have just.. Cut from her which only makes her shout more driving, I have my own drive now choose the of... Then after a few years, seeing a loved one lose her memory to start preparing highschool... People in for hours shape me into what they want me to make has. Us emotionally or mentally.., sad measures irreparably damage or negatively impact child! Binge this weekend feel less than what they want, known they will achieve! To also mention here that the phrase `` they know what is best their!, 2023, 4: to stunted emotional development and made it hard have... 'Ll give you an iconic film to binge this weekend find people who you. As somehow deficient a real close friend of the belief that there is safety in the. They can easily control, and it was dark when I was 20, I 'm intelligent!