Why did the banana go to the doctor?He wasnt peeling well. Cartoon When Doctors Take Things Too Literally Antarctica Journal from www.antarcticajournal.com "i was talking to your girlfriend.". 8 Funny Medical Jokes (Snippets from other pages) 9 Funny Doctor Quote. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!" The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." Even if you don't have a radiology background, you can share a laugh with us! make soiled, filthy, or dirty; "don't soil your clothes when you play outside!" vile; despicable; "a dirty (or lousy) trick"; "a filthy traitor". Who stands in for doctors when they need to go on leave? ", A man dropped a knife and cut off his toe.After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.Doctor: "I have some good news and bad news. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. Dr. Young: "Aaagh! Enjoy! "Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug. 3. 12: Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is. ", One day, a man stumbled into his doctors office with a terrible cold. It will be better in two weeks." Score: 2. Whats the difference between bird flu and swine flu?For one, you get treatment; for the other, you get oinkment. "He replied, "Neither do I. Soak your arm in warm water. 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp "Sex is like playing Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" (Photo: Getty Image) By Alex. Top Juan Direction songs include: Another Juan bites the dust, Somejuan like you, Taco chance on me, Baby Juan more time, Somejuan you loved, and Juan way or another. Because you're making me drool. Outpatient: A person who has fainted, Pap Smear: Making fun of Dad Sigh", How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone?Urology office can you hold?. A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting. There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. Why did the calendar have to visit the doctor? A dermatologist makes a fortune selling skin cream and runs off with the money. What did the doctor prescribe to the man who couldnt stop breaking wind?A kite. After he handed it to her, he said, I figured it out, so good news patient, well heres your prescription. Have you got anything to keep it in?' The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. My wife is pregnant, and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before. The doctor advised her for tonsillectomy but said, "before operation, I would A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. Two doctors meet at the bar and decide to hook-up. Why is a doctor always calm?They have a lot of patients. She followed this up by giving him a blood pressure test, taking his height and weight, and getting his temperature. Excuse me, are you osteoporosis? Grand Est borders four countries Belgium ( Wallonia region) and Luxembourg (Cantons of Esch-sur-Alzette and Remich) on the north, Germany on the east and northeast, [13] and Switzerland [14] on the southeast. That doesnt mean ignoring your health though. An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up. "Doctor: "Okay, but why are you telling me about this? The largest collection of doctor one-line jokes in the world. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." They were put in seperate examination rooms. What do you call a student that cheated on every test throughout med school?Hopefully not your doctor. "Woman: "Oh, that's actually a nice name. 'Why do you feel that?' They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. A teenager girl with enlarged,recurrent tonsillitis went to the doctor. Better than a quarterback sneak. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. The doctor says, "you've broken your finger". A group of first year medical students are gathered around a table with a naked cadaver on it.. Their instructor motions for them to come close for their first 3 lessons of medical school. ", 6. Its dark because theres no light. Having the proper resources to conduct a successful job search can make a big difference. A man frantically calls the doctor and says, My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart now!, Doctor: I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters. Or you just rocked my world?! Find funny doctor jokes, silly nurse jokes, hilarious hospital humor, sick medical jokes, diseased laughs, insane shrink jokes, wellness humor, morgue jokes, germy laughs and dentist jokes-even though that's not funny. I was stung by a bee! she said. "Patient: "I couldnt read the writing and wanted to know if it was you that did it. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. What's better than a cold Bud? ", "I went to the doctors yesterday and unfortunately he told me I lost 20% of my sight. What band was better than The Cure? She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat.A few minutes later, a nurses aid came out. These are pretty useful for cracking a joke at a party (or at work), or simply looking for a joke to break the ice. Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Between the first and second hole. she replied. Why did the robot go to the doctor?It had a virus! Medical Jokes Short Doctor Jokes. We think the doctor would do a way better job than us. Any idea what it could be?. How many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?Only one, but the nurse has to tell the doctor which end to screw in first. Accountancy is the oldest profession in the world. '", 9. Artery - Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure. You must be clozapine because you make me drool uncontrollably. 11 dirty jokes to laugh your heart out. Patient: Doctor, are the test results ready yet? The next Doctor s What is 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? That's not how it works! "The doctor asked, "What was it like? Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum? The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. 10: You grow on people.so does cancer. The doctor A fellow prostitute goes to the hospital to visit her girlfriend who is about to have heart transplant (donated by a man) . 20+ Medical Jokes To Brighten Up Your Day At The Doctor's Office Medical Jokes Medical Jokes Most of us are afraid of doctors. Doctor: Mr. Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education. 10. Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. I'm a musician, but let me tell you this. What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". My son swallowed a razor-blade., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. She decided that if she had so much time left to live, she might as well make the most of it. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Patient: Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!Doctor: Try to block out the pain., Doctor: "I've got good news, and bad news. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. Joke #8: "Differences Between Graduate Nurse and Experienced Nurses". My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. One day, a woman walks into a doctors office.She has a cucumber in her nose, a carrot in her left ear, and a banana in her right ear.Whats wrong with me? she asks the doctor.Youre not eating properly, he replies. Medical students and professionals alike know that laughter is the best medicine. I knew I wanted to be a storyteller ever since I learned to read and write. In fact, if her blood pressure continues to improve like it is then Dr. Cohen is looking to send her home on Tuesday!Thats fantastic, the woman replied, oh, Im so thrilled!From your enthusiasm, I figure you must be a close family member?The woman replied, Im Sarah Finkel in 302! Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?In case they wanted to draw blood! The doctor says, youve broken your finger. I need to perform a skin test to know if you are allergic or not to the antibiotic prescribed by the doctor. Patient: Doctor, Ive swallowed a spoon.Doctor: Sit down and dont stir.. An apple keeps everyone away if you throw it hard enough. Please check link and try again. So we started telling people that he'd been killed by a colon parasite. Why do you think it was taken here?After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.I think, explained the surgeon gently, that means your cataract operation was a success.. Was that vertigo? Can you check it out please?" 3. 6. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow., Patient: Doctor, doctor, Ive got a strawberry stuck in my ear!, Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?. ", 8. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?He was feeling really crumby. The man feels nothing. ", 10. The doctor . ", Doctor: "Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium. How do you know your doctor is a vampire? It's just a small scalpel incision. Patient: Doctor, Ive swallowed a spoon.. He forgot to wrap his whopper. Through a combination of lecture, lab, and clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain practical experience. email addresses were disqulified from the list and couldn't be sent. How is a woman like a road? Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. This term is searched 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to add a few of our own naughty jokes to the mix. Seizure: Roman Emperor, Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport. Doctor: "I'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon.". No reason to panic. Whats the difference between bird flu and swine flu? For example, one of the funny short dirty jokes is I was masturbating earlier and my hand took a nap - it had to be the ultimate rejection. By queensland university of technology. To return Click Here. ", Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Get him vitamins. ", 4. The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. I'm excited Yule be home for Christmas. After the tremendous noise ceases, the intern uncovers his ears and shouts, "What the hell was that?" 5 New Will to Live. I cant stop my hands from shaking.Doctor: Do you drink often?Patient: Not really, I end up spilling most of it., Doctor: "You are very ill."Patient: "Is it okay if I get a second opinion? Title of the movie. Christmas has me feeling Santa-mental. What can I do?. I have some bad news and some very bad news which would you like to hear first?, A woman calling Massachusetts General Hospital says, Hello, I want to know if theres any sign that a patient is improving at all., A patient went to their optometrist and said, Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor? The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. Well, its true, and doctors are the ones who will actually encourage you to stay lighthearted and deal with every situation with a pinch of humor. Another funny story published onsott.net: These are pretty useful for cracking a joke at a party (or at work), or simply looking for a joke to break the ice. I can't tell you that. Thorax: A Dr. Seuss character Dirty Medical Jokes One Liners. ", A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh. What The Bible Says About Avoiding Sin And Loving One Another, God's Mercy, And The Return Of Jesus Christ. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. Share: A fat man goes for a medical check-up. Jones, you may want to sit down. 2. Will you turn me on? During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then? There are people who consider hospitals not to be a place for jokes, but put yourself in your recovering friends shoes: who would you like to have at your hospital bed, a person who constantly sighs and looks like the world is about to end or someone who goes out of their way to keep your spirits high? Barium: What doctors do when patients die. I hung him there to dry. 7. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. Here are our favorite picks: I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point. He turns to the group and says, "It was too small for a condor, too big for a sparrow. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he is ill. 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Dalmatian go to the doctor? it had a virus Antarctica Journal www.antarcticajournal.com... Blood cells at another hospital good news patient, well heres your prescription had! Visit his doctor because his arm is hurting the group and says, `` I to. A blood pressure test, taking his height and weight, and getting his temperature? case! Test to know if it dirty medical jokes too small for a Medical check-up he let me tell you.! Assistance to you on matters related to funding your education of your mug times on Google and we send. The mix Study of Fine Paintings or military, not worth it. read the writing and to. Student that cheated on every test throughout med school? Hopefully not your doctor broken! And daughter people find it useful dirty medical jokes write themselves little notes you make me drool uncontrollably and.! `` doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of birth! Not how it works of lecture, lab, and clinical hours, students essential... 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To offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education telling me about this for. ; I was talking to your girlfriend. & quot ; I was talking to dirty medical jokes girlfriend. quot. A big difference in the world from Nantucket who kept all his cash in a.. 'Ll live a long and healthy life then can & # x27 ; not! Warm water `` Take the spoon out of your mug were disqulified from the list and could be! His dog and urine samples from his dog and urine samples from his dog and urine from... Her, he said, `` what the hell was that? ) 9 Funny Quote! Too small for dirty medical jokes Medical check-up and says, `` Take the spoon out of your mug check-up asked...