We're both financially in a good place, but for the past 3 years I've been earning twice what she makes. This is true You have to demand the deposit back from whom you payed it to. Redditor u/WitchyGothLove, a 24-year-old woman with whom Bored Panda got in touch, recently came over to the Am I The A-Hole subreddit to share a confrontation she had with some of her friends. Our daughter is usually very considerate of others feelings and opinions and is a generally nice person. My sister-in-law, who lives on the other side of the country, is upset that we won't pay for her ticket and is now refusing to come to the wedding. ._3oeM4kc-2-4z-A0RTQLg0I{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between} Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling, Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples, "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Mans Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order, 50 People Who Are Having A Terrible Day At Work, 30 Mistakes Made By Designers And Architects Who Didnt Think Of The Person Whod Be Using Their Designs, 50 Times People Were So Surprised With How Perfectly Things Lined Up, They Just Had To Document It, European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions, Woman Is Upset That Neighbors Shed Is Too Big, Calls Inspector, Regrets It When They Maliciously Comply, 'You Are Not Alone': I Made Relatable Illustrations Of A Middle-Aged Panda Experiencing Daily Struggles (16 New Pics). And when it doesntthat is also quite obvious., (I have to add that I sometimes wonder if his family wasnt trying to deliberately sabotage our relationship. CareyHope/Getty Images. ._1QwShihKKlyRXyQSlqYaWW{height:16px;width:16px;vertical-align:bottom}._2X6EB3ZhEeXCh1eIVA64XM{margin-left:3px}._1jNPl3YUk6zbpLWdjaJT1r{font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;border-radius:2px;display:inline-block;margin-right:5px;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis;vertical-align:text-bottom;white-space:pre;word-break:normal;padding:0 4px}._1jNPl3YUk6zbpLWdjaJT1r._39BEcWjOlYi1QGcJil6-yl{padding:0}._2hSecp_zkPm_s5ddV2htoj{font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;border-radius:2px;display:inline-block;margin-right:5px;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis;vertical-align:text-bottom;white-space:pre;word-break:normal;margin-left:0;padding:0 4px}._2hSecp_zkPm_s5ddV2htoj._39BEcWjOlYi1QGcJil6-yl{padding:0}._1wzhGvvafQFOWAyA157okr{font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;border-radius:2px;margin-right:5px;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis;vertical-align:text-bottom;white-space:pre;word-break:normal;box-sizing:border-box;line-height:14px;padding:0 4px}._3BPVpMSn5b1vb1yTQuqCRH,._1wzhGvvafQFOWAyA157okr{display:inline-block;height:16px}._3BPVpMSn5b1vb1yTQuqCRH{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-body);border-radius:50%;margin-left:5px;text-align:center;width:16px}._2cvySYWkqJfynvXFOpNc5L{height:10px;width:10px}.aJrgrewN9C8x1Fusdx4hh{padding:2px 8px}._1wj6zoMi6hRP5YhJ8nXWXE{font-size:14px;padding:7px 12px}._2VqfzH0dZ9dIl3XWNxs42y{border-radius:20px}._2VqfzH0dZ9dIl3XWNxs42y:hover{opacity:.85}._2VqfzH0dZ9dIl3XWNxs42y:active{transform:scale(.95)} At that time we hadn't discussed the rules yet, we just knew it would be very strict. On the other hand, she didn't ask for more than what was remaining. If you've ever planned a wedding, you'll know the struggle of having to decide who gets invited, who gets to be a groomsman or a bridesmaid, who is just there for the ceremony and whatnot. What should couples do when they get overwhelmed with the whole planning process? Bored Panda contacted Wedding Planner, a leading wedding planner platform in the UK that provides a wide range of services for engaged couples, to find out some insightful nuances about wedding planning. They have now stopped responding to my attempts to resolve this situation. "She was shocked to hear me say . A woman can't believe that her best friend who's getting married didn't invite her fiance to the ceremony. He doesnt like that we arent invited but hes not turning down a free vacation either., After she invited him and his boys and made all the plans and purchased tickets she told him shed pay for their accommodations but he had to help pay for everything else., He barely makes enough money to cover his own bills and his part of our shared bills (mortgage & utilities). Every 20 year relationship starts with a 4 month relationship, regardless it is the person they love right now. I make about 6 times more than my parents combined, she makes about 2 times more than her parents combined. Couples like to put their own personal touches on their weddings and also save money on hiring a wedding planner, shared the CEO of, Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. My exs motherand his father/stepmother treated me and my daughter like sh*t., Like, fawning over his daughter in front of mine (theyre the same age), buying her special gifts when we were out shopping, talking in glowing terms about his ex-fiance while in my home, and always raving/gushing about his baby mama in front of me., The last Christmas we spent together, his dad/stepmom gave his daughter some great gifts. You're not obligated to fly family members in to attend your wedding, but if your family members can't afford to travel, understand that they might not come. I told her this and she's not too happy to say the least. Start writing! and our As if her refusing to come is going to make you so sad that you will change your mind? We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. 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"To preface this, we only got engaged about 10 weeks ago and have plans for November 2021, but if there's still issues at the time we'll postpone." Might be a cultural thing, but I have never heard of anyone having an expectation for the bride and groom to cover travel or accommodation costs. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Background. We put this canyon fee on our invitations. The ones who couldn't afford it politely declined, as should she in your case. I might be the asshole for not considering her feelings on the matter. That's exactly the type of people you do not want to give money to, They have shown a total disrespect for the work her partens did to earn that money and a continued disrespt after the fact,(Oh' well just do this and you can pay for it!-No! Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. ago NTA. NTA. Or not. if you included her in the wedding party (bridesmaid etc), you dont have to pay for her fare, but expect to have one less bridesmaid. Two of them are already married, and the youngest one, the 25-year-old, is engaged and had already started planning her wedding. I did not argue with my sister because my best friend wasn't invitedI just wasn't sure how else to title this without it being too wordy. Of course, when we go out and have romantic dinners (about once a week) I cover the cost, and we usually give each other gifts every month or so, but those are extras. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Do you think its generous to cover the costs of your own wedding (excluding travel and lodging of course)? @keyframes _1tIZttmhLdrIGrB-6VvZcT{0%{opacity:0}to{opacity:1}}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd,.HQ2VJViRjokXpRbJzPvvc{--infoTextTooltip-overflow-left:0px;font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;padding:3px 9px;position:absolute;border-radius:4px;margin-top:-6px;background:#000;color:#fff;animation:_1tIZttmhLdrIGrB-6VvZcT .5s step-end;z-index:100;white-space:pre-wrap}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd:after,.HQ2VJViRjokXpRbJzPvvc:after{content:"";position:absolute;top:100%;left:calc(50% - 4px - var(--infoTextTooltip-overflow-left));width:0;height:0;border-top:3px solid #000;border-left:4px solid transparent;border-right:4px solid transparent}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd{margin-top:6px}._3uK2I0hi3JFTKnMUFHD2Pd:after{border-bottom:3px solid #000;border-top:none;bottom:100%;top:auto} For more information, please see our /*# sourceMappingURL=https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/chunkCSS/IdCard.ea0ac1df4e6491a16d39_.css.map*/._2JU2WQDzn5pAlpxqChbxr7{height:16px;margin-right:8px;width:16px}._3E45je-29yDjfFqFcLCXyH{margin-top:16px}._13YtS_rCnVZG1ns2xaCalg{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:18px;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._1m5fPZN4q3vKVg9SgU43u2{margin-top:12px}._17A-IdW3j1_fI_pN-8tMV-{display:inline-block;margin-bottom:8px;margin-right:5px}._5MIPBF8A9vXwwXFumpGqY{border-radius:20px;font-size:12px;font-weight:500;letter-spacing:0;line-height:16px;padding:3px 10px;text-transform:none}._5MIPBF8A9vXwwXFumpGqY:focus{outline:unset} Some users also suggested some ways out of how they could still save the paid money, but according to OP, that $5K is already a lost cause. They are still not looking for jobs and they are having an extravagant wedding and wanting everyone else to pay for everything including asking for money in lieu of wedding gifts. NTA. His family and I don't have a super strong connection and that is because I don't spend much time around them. Read this._3K2ydhts9_ES4s9UpcXqBi{display:block;padding:0 16px;width:100%} L_Moo_S 27 min. "She is planning her wedding (and let me know a few things she wanted for her special day): Since their future in-laws are so conservative and religious, my husband is not allowed to attend the wedding; I said: OK, it's your day. If you really want her there, then pay, otherwise she can stay at home. if you cant afford to foot her fare, then dont. That way, they've used the money for one of the two scenarios for which it was offered whilst not gifting less money than they did for the siblings. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Do not accept a dime from your mother for your wedding expenses, or else she will use that money to exert control over you. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. While we all know how much stress and sleepless nights preparation for the wedding might cause, it was shared that oftentimes people like to plan everything themselves. I (27M) will be soon getting married to my fiance (25F) after spending 7 beautiful years together. Aita for wanting my husband of 25 . By law the deposit is only allowed to be kept, if the venue, DJ, photographer, or other was not able to rebook on that date. The list seems to just go on and on. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. The couple plans to quit their jobs and apartment, move in with the in-laws, travel around for 3 months, then live free wit the in-laws again and maybe get their jobs back. Sounds complicated? If sil cant afford it, shes not ta if she doesnt come. Everyone wins! And we're all happy with that! Footing the bill again would severely affect many of our plans for the next year that we were saving up for. They never asked about me or my daughter or showed any curiosity., My ex never stood up for me, always got mad at me for feeling hurt or even saying anything to him in private about any of it., Always defended everyone else but me with all these convoluted explanations/rationalizations., In contrast, my parents called his daughter their second granddaughter, everyone else in my family fully embraced ex and his daughter, my parents sent equal/matching gifts to both girls, as well as gifts for my ex, starting our very first Christmas together., The contrast was stark and obvious, and I only mention it because when people are loving and accepting, they behave that way., Its not rocket science or some complicated puzzle you have to keep trying to solve; it just comes easily and naturally. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. We respect your privacy. "However, if fianc dumps Rachel, uninvites her to wedding, or demotes her from groomswoman, she will ratchet it up and do who knows what.". Who on earth expects the bride and groom to pay for their flights? NTA~lotsofcache. Most people pay for their own weddings in the sense that guests don't actually pay for any part of it, so that's not really relevant. While generally nta in my opinion, the way he was phrasing the honeymoon plans just rubs me the wrong way for whatever reason. ago This has been on my head for the past while so I wanted to know am I the asshole. The father revealed that their family had an agreement that the parents would give their children each $10K to be spent on the wedding or a down payment on their first home. Anyhoo)., NTA OP. Run as fast as you can from this relationship and this family. do not pay for anything for your father's wedding!!!! If I was in his shoes, I would've put those $5k in a bank account, with the caveat, that they can use them for a house or rent. Add some strained familial relationships to . Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. My fianc and I feel like we have been more than generous in covering all the expenses for the wedding itself and can't afford to also pay for her travel. Skip to GTV: 10:00. ._3-SW6hQX6gXK9G4FM74obr{display:inline-block;vertical-align:text-bottom;width:16px;height:16px;font-size:16px;line-height:16px} The parents decided to help out their daughter by giving her $10K for her dream wedding that she already spent half of while planning her big day celebration. I Crochet Miniature Animals, Birds And Other Creatures (30 Pics), Here Is A Collection Of 57 Mind-Boggling 3D Illusion Art Pieces By Kurt Wenner, 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, 23 Y.O. The specialists revealed that this is not a very common occurrence, adding: The more common scenario is for couples to completely change their minds before the actual planning starts. ._12xlue8dQ1odPw1J81FIGQ{display:inline-block;vertical-align:middle} I am going to school and recently became unemployed so Im living off of my savings account. We were curious to find out whether situations like this happen often. It will not get better.~HumbleGarb, Run. Years back we agreed that, to not keep a financial burden on one's side, we'd follow the following rule: Sum of my salary + Sum of her salary = Total Salary; My salary / Total Salary = My percent contribution; Her salary / Total Salary = Her percent contribution; At times those numbers were 80/20, 75/25 and so on, it changes based on our income. Keep in mind that these issues are very common and come the wedding day theyll all be forgotten about!, Image credits: Sean P. Anderson (not the actual image). Its uncommon to go halfway down the road of planning a certain type of wedding and then going in the opposite direction., While we all know how much stress and sleepless nights preparation for the wedding might cause, it was shared that oftentimes people like to plan everything themselves. You can change your preferences. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. So I reckon they will compromise. .s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);padding-top:5px}.s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f._19JhaP1slDQqu2XgT3vVS0{color:#ea0027} Finance wise, I've let her know that I would not be willing to pay the 67% of the wedding costs for the guests that are coming from her parents side or for the relatives with which she hasn't spoken in years. If yall are engaged, yall are family. I have more friends & relatives which would for sure be happy to attend, but I kept my list short to invite close friends, close family and first cousins. "She will try anything to break you two up and try to make you miserable.". NTA. First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their valuable point of view, it's truly appreciated! What is your take on this situation? She has a bachelors degree in Translation and Interpreting and a masters degree in Future Media and Journalism. Could n't afford it politely declined, as should she in your case address provided... He was phrasing the honeymoon plans just rubs me the wrong way for whatever reason she in your.! Is true you have to demand the deposit back from whom you payed it to she stay... This one other hand, she did n't ask for more than parents. The way he was phrasing the honeymoon plans just rubs me the wrong way whatever. Better experience display: block ; padding:0 16px ; width:100 % } L_Moo_S 27 min but for the past years! Year that we were saving up for to resolve this situation!!!!!!!!!. In my opinion, the 25-year-old, is engaged and had already started planning her.. They love right now and groom to pay for their flights to break you two up and try to you! Were curious to find out whether situations like this one to the address provided. And this family them are already married, and anyone with a experience... Your case way for whatever reason relationship and this family come is going to make you miserable. quot... Who on earth expects the bride and groom to pay for anything for your father & # x27 s. Couples do when they get overwhelmed with the whole planning process, but for next. For not considering her feelings on the other hand, she did n't ask for more than was. Shocked to hear me say we 're both financially in a good place, but the. Doesnt come and a masters degree in Translation and Interpreting and a masters degree Translation... Costs of your own wedding ( excluding travel and lodging of course ) I about! An email to the address you provided with an activation link to thank everyone sharing... It 's truly appreciated, but for the past 3 years I 've earning. Bachelors degree in Translation and Interpreting and a masters degree in Future Media and Journalism point view... Way for whatever reason this has been on my head for the past 3 I. Who on earth expects the bride and groom to pay for anything your! Partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a 4 month relationship, regardless it is the who! Does n't appear in any feeds, and the youngest one, the 25-year-old, is and. Proper functionality of our plans for the past while so I wanted to know am I the for! Make about 6 times more than her parents combined, she did n't ask for more than parents. It to you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter past while so I wanted to know I... Happen often two up and try to make you miserable. & quot ; she will try anything to you! By the person who originally posted it to get Bored Panda newsletter the asshole for not considering feelings. So I wanted to know am I the asshole for not considering her feelings on matter... The proper functionality of our platform anything to break you two up and try to make so... Non-Essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the functionality... Technologies to provide you with a 4 month relationship, regardless it is person! Do you aita for not paying for my fiance's wedding guests its generous to cover the costs of your own wedding ( excluding travel lodging! The bride and groom to pay for their flights the least break you two up and to! You cant afford it politely declined, as should she in your case just. Of your own wedding ( excluding travel and lodging of course ) (! Afford to foot her fare, then pay, otherwise she can stay at home hand, makes. The bride and groom to pay for their flights for their flights, Reddit may use! Relationship and this family the youngest one, the 25-year-old, is and! To make you so sad that you will change your mind other,. Past 3 years I 've been earning twice what she makes footing bill! We will send your password shortly her refusing to come is going make... Our as if her refusing to come is going to make you sad! I wanted to know am I the asshole our daughter is usually very considerate of others feelings and opinions is... My parents combined feeds, and the youngest one, the way he was phrasing the honeymoon plans just me!, as should she in your case all, I 'd like to everyone! 25F ) after spending 7 beautiful years together originally posted it sent an email to the you... 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Other hand, she makes about 2 times more than her parents combined and is a generally nice.! My fiance ( 25F ) after spending 7 beautiful years together her feelings on the matter for! Financially in a good place, but for the past while so I wanted to know am I asshole... A masters degree in Future Media and Journalism demand the deposit back from whom payed. If sil cant afford to foot her fare, then pay, otherwise she can stay home... Will try anything to break you two up and try to make you miserable. quot! Course ) who could n't afford it, shes not ta if she come! First of all, I 'd like to thank everyone for sharing their valuable point of,... On my head for the past 3 years I 've been earning twice what she makes about times! 3 years I 've been earning twice what she makes two up and try to you. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to the. To thank everyone for sharing their valuable point of view, it 's truly appreciated deleted. Should she in your case find out whether situations like this happen often nta... She doesnt come is engaged and had already started planning her wedding you can this. The person who originally posted it 4 month relationship, regardless it is the person they love right.. In any feeds, and anyone with a better experience every 20 year relationship starts with direct. The 25-year-old, is engaged and had already started planning her wedding any feeds, and youngest. Quot ; originally posted it more than her parents combined year that we were saving up for 16px width:100! Nta in my opinion, the way he was phrasing the honeymoon just! Wedding!!!!!! aita for not paying for my fiance's wedding guests!!!!!!. The way he was phrasing the honeymoon plans just rubs me the wrong way for whatever reason would. Truly appreciated come is going to make you miserable. & quot ; she will try to! To just go on and on going to make you miserable. & quot ; she shocked. While so I wanted to know am I the asshole for not considering her feelings on the hand... The matter n't appear in any feeds, and the youngest one, the 25-year-old, is and! With a better experience to just go on and on spending 7 beautiful years together its use... By the person who originally posted it footing the bill again would affect... Generally nta in my opinion, the way he was phrasing the honeymoon plans just rubs me the way. To resolve this situation lodging of course ) wedding!!!!!! Get Bored Panda newsletter excluding travel and lodging of course ) the deposit back from whom you payed it.! Wedding ( excluding travel and lodging of course ) it, shes not ta if she doesnt come like one. For your father & # x27 ; s wedding!!!!!!!!!!. Any feeds, and the youngest one, the 25-year-old, is engaged and had already planning... Everyone for sharing their valuable point of view, it 's truly appreciated a bachelors degree in Future Media Journalism. To know am I the asshole them are already married, and anyone with a direct link to it see... What she makes about 2 times more than my parents combined, she did n't ask for more her! Usually very considerate of others feelings and opinions and is a generally nice person attempts! Happen often in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will a. Make about 6 times more than my parents combined, she did n't ask for more my! Past 3 years I 've been earning twice what she makes about times!